May 2009
4 posts
I DON'T believe in Cody Miller Christiansen.
I don’t.
I fully denounce any notion that this is a real person who actually exists anywhere but in the hearts of a handful of fancy boys who run ‘round the Dakotas.
I don’t care what my boyfriend and Kris Schmidt and their small collection of rag-tag fauxmo sexuals of the Black Hills have to say, “Cody Miller Christiansen” is imaginary. Rightfully so, I have...
It's a Magical Night for a Duct Tape Prom.
I want to meet the very FIRST person who was like “Hmmm…if the Babylon5 Marathon is on Friday night and my fave cosplay site doesn’t update until Sunday night I guess Saturday night I can go to Prom…but only if I go covered in Duct Tape.”
Some of this stuff is really impressive don’t get me wrong, but what I can’t get over is how these people smell. You ever smell duct tape? You wouldn’t forget...
Hi! Tell me about you!
I was firmly against enabling comments on my blog. For the reason it’s MY blog. If you don’t like it, I don’t want to spend any of my precious time arguing with you as to whether Clarissa Explains It All is cooler than Roundhouse, or if Danny Cooksey was an extra in Three Ninjas.
Until today when my I had a 92% spike in viewers staying for over a minute. Bots don’t stay...
Get out of my Element Cosplayers!
So Leeloo Dallas could be the hottest Sci-Fi character ever imagined…dressing like Leeloo does not make you Milla Jovovich. Anytime you need a little thinspiration, google Milla Jovovich. To make yourself puke out the Oreos and Pepsi you just shoved down your gullet, google “Leeloo Dallas Cosplay.” leeloo up in da club leeloo wif gof. fat leeloo leelooser. Ass, Grass or...
February 2009
2 posts
This is SO worth your time. →
Friends, I need your help here. Surprisingly, none of these guys look like anyone I’ve known biblically or epically…But some of them REALLY look like a couple of your ex boyfriends.
If they’re not, then knowing some of you and your tales of nutsackery, and douchebaggery you really have nothing to lose by submitting to this site. It’s like Tucker Max only a coop with photo...
The Cardinal Sin of Dating.
So I have this boyfriend now.
We like to do little cute things like text each other and shave his straggles into biker facial hair. We are that creepy couple that lives in one of those Vin diagrams where all of the inside jokes intersect. You know, that couple you can’t really even hang out with because in mid-conversation they’re like “Oh snap honey, smiggle’s is...
December 2008
1 post
Yep.
“GELFLING MAGIC SENDS WOMEN INTO HYSTERICAL PREGNANCIES ACROSS THE NATION”
DOUGLAS- You may think Kara Dalton is your typical small town girl livin’ in a lonely world…but you would be wrong. Kara has a secret magic just beneath her freckles and veneers. Kara has harnessed her ancestral birthright of Gelfling Magic into her social networking site.
“I knew I had...
November 2008
18 posts
I don't want to reblog it...
…but go read Glitterpie and look at the pictures. By promoting them, I’m actually promoting myself because I blurbed the hell out of the last week.
Love me. I’m selfish.
Can we can we can we can we?!?!?!?!?
A completely irresponsible but amazing idea!
That’s the best sketchbook ever.
Mazzy2Dope's* boyfriend!
What an ass-panda!**
Disclaimers:
*Based on the character Mazzy2Dope, not the real person who inspired Mazzy
**This man actually brings shame upon asses, pandas and any combinations forth.
9 tags
Sometimes art is really scary.
I’m not even trying to be profound or silly. I’ve been bouncing back between these pages and they’re kind of making me woozy from staring at all of this stuff.
THIS scares me. I there are really anxious feelings I get when I look at those photos. I’ve met a couple of people who can look and take ‘em or leave them. Every once in a while you’ll meet someone who...
I don't wanna get all Glitterpie on you...
I jacked this picture off of PostSecret (hey, it’s not just for hipsters anymore!)
It made me get a little bit retarded.
October 2008
17 posts
Please, let's don't.
Movie quotes are awesome!
If you want movie quotes to remain awesome, you’ll never use the following quotes in common conversation ever again.
You may continue to quote movies at your own leisure unless you quote the following:
*Disclaimer, there’s nothing wrong with any of the aforementioned movies, just the QUOTING of these phrases is totally lame.
“Run, Forrest,...
Cartoonage part Deux.
Thanks to everyone who participated. All 5 of you. Arthur had some great answers but Laura used her witchcraft to dazzle up a pretty good chunk of the answers. Here are the answers to the Cartoonage Challenge. Educate yourself and pretend you cared to begin with.
The Devil and Daniel Mouse by Nelvana. One vignette from my Holy Grail of Cartoons. You’ve got these mice, Dan and Jan. They...
3 tags
Ultimate Wizard of Cartoonage test.
ANYONE who can tell me what even 3/4 of these cartoons are, is an impressive human being (and possibly my soulmate) Anyone who is into cartoons, saw a few of these or fancies themself a contender in this brutal arena of “Name That Cartoon” PLEASE email me your answers. Some of these are really obscure, some of them are crappy pictures (used without permission from various sources),...
4 tags
4 tags
What I REALLY want for my birthday...
In 5 months, I’m going to catch a birthday.
Now, if you know me, you know I have turned 21 a pathetic 4 times. I think the jig is up, people take one look at my receiding hair line and saggy boobs and know better.
Well this year, I’m going to actually live up to my real age…if you throw me a Quincenera.
So it wont really be a Quincenera, it will be a Veinticincera, but if...
6 tags
ROCKY LOOOVES EMILY!
3 Ninjas and Home Alone taught children of my time a valuable lesson “If someone breaks into your house to kidnap or rob you, don’t call the police or try to get away FIGHT THEM!”
Everybody had their favorite 3Ninja out of the 3 little boys who’s Grandpa was name “Mori Tanaka” but didn’t look one stroke of Japanese. Rocky, the hunky, girl crazy preteen...
Hi! Meet my friends!
SHAWN!
GLITTERHOES!
SPARKLEPUSS
JAY!
PATRICK!
Be polite and click their links.
If for but no other reason...
check out these links because
A) They’re hilarious.
B) To make sure you’re not on them.
C) Because it’s an idea I’m jealous of.
This one has already yeilded a “HEY! That’s my exboyfriend”
This one probably already jacked your photostream.
This one has your grandma AND your prom photos on it.
Oh and I can’t decide if this is Shawn Werner and...
September 2008
1 post
6 tags
August 2008
12 posts
Another Way the 90's Ruined My Life.
Ever hung out with a lady who’s a pretty large generational gap on you?
For instance, there was this gal who was probably in her late 30’s I used to work with. We’d go out for Happy Hour so she could troll for dudes, and inevitably she would end up trying to toss back her Tequila Sunrise as fast as she could for the liquid courage to saunter up to the guy with the...
Quote of a lifetime:
“That baby eats like she’s frikkin’ Helen Keller.”
~ a sensitive quote by My Mom this evening.
1 tag
More fun than a tumblr blog.
I’m probably the last person in America to hear about yearbookyourself but I LOVE IT!
This is one of my better yearbook photos of my career as a student:
Not a joke, not some random kid on the internet, this is me in 1995.
This site not only gives you something to chortle about, but also affords you the possibility of rewriting your own history of Too-Cool-For-School! (just crop off the...
6 tags
Why Monsters are Awesome.
If you say you don’t dig monsters, you’re a liar and I’m against you.
There, I said it.
I like monsters. I think they’re rad. I would apologize for going all Napoleon Dynamite on your ass, but I won’t.
Don’t front, you love monsters, too.
I have a budding interest in The Jersey Devil. Instead of “Your Dad’s gonna paddle your little butt!”...
You can pimp anything, really...
There is only one use for a 2000x Sour Patch Kid…convincing people on acid that they’re shrinking.
I think I’ve established that I tend to have a lot of “down time” in my life as of late.
Even with all of the lulls in responsibility my day presents, can’t say that my first thought for quelching my boredum has ever been:
“Hey dudes! Lets go to the...
4 tags
Cuz I've got dreeeaaammms!
I keep a dream-journal because sometimes my subconcious produces such a wild feed of straight up lunatic stuff that I have to keep track and record for whatever creative manifestations I can apply them to. So I’ve had this problem for the past month… THREE times THREE times THREE times, this month I have dreamt that I’m pregnant and calling up the unseen “father” to...